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Selfishness vs. Chasing Your Dreams

(Note: I wrote this post in five minutes to get it off my chest and now I need to go to work. No pictures and probably a lot of spelling/grammar mistakes. Sorry.)

I can´t be the only one feeling extremely selfish sometimes for chasing my dreams, and thereby, leaving people who are very dear to me behind. Right? Nina Yau wrote about this too. So did Niall Doherty.

But here I am. At 6.45 in the morning, stroking my mother’s hair while I feel her body sobbing. She hasn’t slept all night. She is worried. She’s crying. And she’s telling me that she’s losing everyone and that I’m leaving without even….[here the sobs take over and I don’t dare to ask what she means because I know it will hurt as much as I’m hurting her by leaving].

So yeah, here you have one of those selfish moments. Because I am leaving next week while my mother just finishes her eight and last round of chemo therapy. She’ll have to go through about a dozen tests before they can tell her if it all worked or not. She’ll be scared as hell. So will be my dad and my sister. And so will I, but I am on the other side of the world and will not be able to comfort her again anytime soon.

This sucks. But it is my own choice.

I wish I could write down all kinds of excuses here why I am leaving now but fact is that I just AM being selfish. If it makes you feel better: sometimes I hate myself for being like that too.

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